Monday, December 01, 2008

good news

I am lighter than I have felt in months, not physically, for better or worse, but mentally.

We met with a pediatric neurologist today at Emory for a second opinion on K's seizure condition. After a recent uptick in seizure activity, I harassed the unfortunate souls that make a living by answering the phones for the pediatric division.

"Do you have any cancellations?" I'd ask.
"Nope, first available is in February," he'd answer.
.....5 hours later.....
"Hello, me again. You have any cancellations?"
"No, I'm sorry first available is in April" she'd say.

Are you people trying to discourage me?

To say I love this doctor wouldn't even begin to expres what I feel about this man tonight. What do you say about a person that brings you wisdom, kindness, experience, reassurance and well, love, into caring for your child?
As a bonus, K thought he looked like a thin version of George Lucas.

This doc says K has a benign form of childhood epilepsy which he will likely outgrow. He said the threshold for medicating him is frankly up to us, as his parents. We will know when it is time to start the meds. For me, it was after his third seizure. However, my hunka hunka said as I readied to pry the mouth open of a sleeping child to throw a pill down his throat.....woah woman have you lost your mind? My sweet hunka needed some time to read up on seizures and the medications first. Ah nevermind that we've had about 4 months to read in on this, but anyway, welcome to the program.
In the end, it was probably for the best as now we can breathe and know that he will be OK.

Interestingly this week I caught one of my favorite NPR shows "Speaking of Faith." The show called Listening Generously spoke with a doctor who said that her personal battle with disease changed the way she approached patients and her views of healing and curing. She also said that much of the world's greatest wisdom comes from the sick or those near death, as that is the time that life becomes crystal clear and focuses one on the things that matter.

I shared some of this insight with K today that what has been happening to him is a gift that will help him empathize and sympathize with others now and as he grows. It has been a theme lately around our house that learning from our losses will teach us all to live.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

everyone has a price

I've gone the distance with this third child.
He is three, and I am beyond and over the peeing in the pants thing.

So I took him to Target and upped the ante...."Name your price, kid."

He chose a Buzz Lightyear and I threw in a Woody have leverage in case the first time was a fluke.

It is taking far more emotional and physical energy than I have to get that kid to pot....

I am also in a project to organize the mess that is my garage/mud room...more on that later.

Monday, October 27, 2008

october 2008

I have a child, who at the age of three, said he wanted to be a “coffee table” for Halloween.
This Halloween, the same child, proclaimed he would like to be Samuel L. Jackson.
Tomorrow, we will shave his head and try to make him look like a black man.
Meanwhile, the changes in the baby’s diet seemed to have made remarkable improvements in his behavior and speech. At first we thought it was too much of a coincidence….one week off of dairy and a restriction in carbs and he started to speak gangbusters.
Thinking it may have just been a fluke, we put dairy back into his diet and just took it easy on the carbs and he went back into his own spacey destructive mumbled world.
So my baby is starting to peak through his clouds…and has turned THREE!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

you think you've got problems....

In my search to find someone dealing with the similar issues as me, I joined an "ecommunity" for people dealing with seizures and epilepsy.
I posted my question about one seizure, abnormal eeg etc, why medication? .....

Some of the responses go something like this....
"Wow! I could have written this myself. I know exactly what you mean...."
Oh wow, I think someone with a similar experience.
And then ominous musics inserted here...

" when I got the EEG report, which states ... "As the day progressed the background became more symmentrical and less of the epileptiform discharges were identified", and the day after the seizure on 7/3 "This slowing may well be seen as a post-ictal finding and has improved from the beginning of the recording."

I know; I can see your eyes crossing from here.

This was written by a mom who's profile reads like this....
Single Mom to L... complex partial with secondary generalization to tonic clonic activity. Stopped Keppra (imagine a 6 year with PMS), failed Trileptal (rash), stopped Depakote (extreme intestinal issues), and back on Clorazepate (Tranxene). Stalling on starting Topomax, since there has been no seizure activity since the first one (knock on wood)

Yikes. She is a lighter version of what people struggle with. Some people cry out on the boards as they take their children in for brain surgery. Kids having big seizures everyday despite numerous medications and/or surgery.

I have just hit a little rough spot in trying to figure out what to do with my kids and our life. Between KC's developmental issues and now K's seizure, it is all I can do to keep us all alive. I've found myself angrier than normal, and I take it out on the four guys I love most in the world.

Friday, September 05, 2008

mean and nice ladies that answer phones

Someone sent me a prayer she said/written specifically for K.
Somehow made me feel better.

I cancelled my Cleveland appointment to get a second opinion. Even though the appointment was with the Ped. Neurology Division Chief, and those nice ladies that answered the phone got me squeezed in before the end of this month.

I've realized that on the other side of town is Emory and their pediatric neurology folks. Though I can't get in until JANUARY.

We still have to follow up with our nurse practitioner at Child Neurology Associates in the meantime. I called to schedule his next appointment and asked if I could see a real doctor this time instead of a nurse practitioner. Not that s/he would be any better, smarter, kinder. I would just feel better if a second set of eyes looked at his info. A not so nice lady that answers the phone was very inconvenienced by me because it would require her to fill out a form for it and I'd have to state my reason. You know how sometimes you get luck of the draw with your call....well I got the a rotten one. She indicated that they may deny my request to switch doctors. So much for partnering with us in the care of our son.

In the meantime, I have this book written by the the Johns Hopkins folks. It has educated me on a ton of stuff. After reading it, I feel more confident in our decision to hold off on the meds.

Baby KC will be cycling into the county school system soon to begin more therapy. The developmental pediatrician confirms he does have Apraxia. We will have to continue to monitor him during his school years because many kids have learning disabilities.

He has the comprehension of a 3.5 year old, but the expressive language skills of a 21 month old to a 2 year old, which really, I knew he was about a year or more behind on his speech.

He also took another hearing test yesterday. The audiologist passed him through on the main part but will have to see him back for more testing since he either can't hear the softer sounds or his attention span is short.

ugh....this is the short version of the update.
maybe a more creative blog entry another day.

By the way, our middle son makes us proud. Let me just say this loud, Q has no medical or developmental issues. The teacher's assistant says he eats every piece of food on his lunch tray. We are so very proud. Every little bit of joy helps.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008


Should I get a second opinion on K?
Does he really have epilepsy?
Does he really have to take the medicine?

I made an appointment with a doctor at Rainbow Babies in Cleveland.

Hunka and I agreed we are not giving him the meds unless he has more seizures.

He can move on. I can't.
I still wonder if it is the right thing to do. Is there anything I/they are missing?

My brain is overloaded.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

seizure freedom

K has been seizure free for the past month.
Now only one year and eleven months to go before the neurologists office will give us a pass on having to take the meds.
I spoke with a kind woman at Johns Hopkins about K's situation. I suppose her job is to gatekeep people like me from flocking in from all over the country pounding on their doors. They are rated as the number one hospital and staff dealing with pediatric neurology.
She took the time, listened, answered and asked questions.
I explained my hesitancy on starting K on the medication. There isn't a soul on this planet that wants to prevent another seizure in that kid more than me, and it is not that I'm trying to get all freaky Christian Scientist and avoid all medication. If he were to have more seizures, I'd say let's do it.
"I think you have your answer right there," she said.

I took K for acupuncture. The Chinese doctor did agreed with me and interestingly said K should take the Keppra if has more seizures. I was actually glad to see that he did embrace some western medicine too.

We talked to the nurse practioner again by phone yesterday she was pretty adamant about him taking the medication. While my gut still tells me to wait and see if he has another one, it makes me question if I am doing the right thing.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

first day of school 2008

First day of 3rd grade for K and first day of kindergarten in the public school for Q.

Monday, August 25, 2008

for today

Today I will not write about seizures, neurons or speech delays.
I will think about them to be sure. But the blog, oye what a downer it can be...
For now, everyone is safe and healthy.
K and Q have taken the bus to school. They both have a love of school and learning, for which I am grateful.
KC has done another pee pee on the potty and is watching Thomas as a reward for a job well done.
Today I will excercise.
I am wondering why I haven't had a decent tomato out of my garden all summer.
I planted a yellow squash took over my raised bed with large leaves the size of basketballs. I suspect this may not helped the other plants thrive. Day after day we ate yellow squashed sauted with onion in olive oil and garlic. But not a tomato, cucumber or pepper to round us out.
Balance, it seems is what we lack.

Friday, August 22, 2008

fits of denial

So the neurologists office says our boy has epilepsy, specifically "partial seizures with no known cause."

We are in the market for a second opinion. If anyone knows a good pediatric neurologist, let me know.

Here is what she said:

* His MRI is normal.

* His EEG indicated abnormal electrical activity
* Indication of an increased risk of seizures.
* They want to put him on meds
* He would need to be on the meds until he is seizure free for two years.

What I know:

* He has had one known seizure.
* She (this nurse practitioner) believes he has night time seizures. Her question was probably protocol, but very leading ...."Have you ever woken up and your arm, hand, legs or feet felt weird?"
Curiously he said, why yes as a matter of fact that does happen. hmmm
* Now I have my doubts about this admission, because hello, haven't we all woken up at one point and had our arm feel weird? The night after he told me his hands didn't have feeling in them, I checked him while he slept. He had two hands balled up and rolled inward on his wrists and then had his big ole head on top of them.
* Last night, I checked on him about 1am and he was sleeping with his head on his arm. and voila, this morning he doesn't have feeling in his right arm. Can someone get his kid a pillow?
* We don't want him on meds based on the information we have now.

I should have known something was up. The folks at Google Ads seem to have premonitions....I talk about KC's speech issues....and presto ads for speech development and DVD's that teach your baby to talk . The folks at Google Ads started placing ads for pediatric anti-epilespy medication, Keppra as soon as I mentioned seizures. Ironically, when the NP asked if I had ever heard of the medication, I had to admit it was my own stinking blog that taught me about it. feel free to click on my ads, it just may pay for our next EEG.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

bad news

Neurologist just called.
My boy has epilepsy.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

K's EEG is scheduled for tomorrow.

He needs to be sleep deprived, oh how I wish that were a thing we could just donate to him.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

a simple goal

The first time I was left alone with my toddler and a newborn under my care, my mission was clear...I had to keep them (and myself) alive. period
Even now after we've added a third son and a dog to the mix, at the end of the day I am usually victorious in accomplishing my mission.
It has become my daily mantra....surviving

K woke today telling me that he didn't have feeling in this hands and had a hard time moving them. La-la-la....excuse me.....denial can be a beautiful thing.
I've found a study at Columbia University that I may consider, if in fact he has this form of epilepsy.
Considering that I have wrung my hands for a year over the baby's speech issues, this initial finding that made me sit up a little straighter.

Speech and Reading Disorders in Rolandic Epilepsy Families

We have also found, for the first time, that the reading and speech problems found in RE children also occur in their relatives much more commonly than in the general population. This suggests that speech problems, reading problems and rolandic epilepsy are all transmitted together by one or a combination of genes. This is a valuable clue for tracking down the genetic influences on all three disorders.

Q had his second full day in the public school system and declared that he wasn't that crazy about the bus, after all, or at least some of the people on it.

And the baby, we are on our 9th straight hour of a Thomas the Tank Engine DVD. He is alas, a barfy sickly boy.
But we are all alive!

Monday, August 04, 2008

fits of joy

update after our neurologist appt

We are back from our visit to the neurologist. The office is located in a brand spankin new pediatric medical building in our part of town. The neurologist's office is located directly across the hallway from the chapel, which I found disturbing and comforting all at the same time.

There may be a chance that K has had these seizures before while sleeping. Which, hello, how would we ever know? But based on a specific set of Q & A...we discovered he occasionally has had similar weird feelings when he wakes up. She said there are some seizures that happen only when asleep.
In retrospect, I kept him in bed with me the night he had his seizure, so I could keep a closed eye on him while sleeping. He did wake me up that night saying that his arm felt weird, I just told him he must have slept on it funny and told him to go back to sleep. So much for keeping an eye on him...just another point in my quest for Mother of the Year.
We will have to have future separate appointments for the MRI and EEG, which K was disappointed about, since he was hoping he could do it all today. He thought his CT scan was especially cool, because it is like a little bit of star wars/star trek technology.
What he had was a partial complex seizure and they suspect he may have "Benign Rolandic Epilepsy", though we won't be able to say for sure until hey finish more tests.

They have a prescription for Diastat, which is sort of like an epipen for seizures. Again it is an only in case of emergency, since it has to be given rectally.

I believe that this was just a misfiring of the brain's wiring. I'm not convinced of this nighttime seizure theory. Perhaps I am in denial, but it hard to believe there is something wrong with a kid that just seems to be so okay.

Tomorrow, the baby and I will head to the developmental pediatrician to figure out what we can do (or not do) about him.

Friday, July 25, 2008

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left right left

When I was a child, I remember the first time my mom let me walk to town. It was one block away, and in my small rural hometown of Beach City, Ohio, it measured less than a football field in distance. I had to cross one major road to get there.
"You have to look left, right and LEFT again," my mom said as she sent me on my maiden solo voyage to the store.
"Left, right, left, right, left, right...." I chanted turning my head continuously as I crossed just in case a sneaky car sped up in an attempt to run me over. Back and forth, back and forth, just to be sure.

Recently while turning my motherly head back and forth while protecting each of my ducklings across the road, my gaze got stuck on the poopy 2- year-old kid with the speech problems.
While my eyes were fixed on him, my oldest K got struck by a seizure.

Life has a funny way of doing that.

So we checked into the ER with our frequent shopper card, CT scan and blood tests proved to be normal, ruling out the real scary stuff like tumors and watery brains. We will see a pediatric neurologist in a week for more tests.
He is fine. And has been ordered to rest for 2-3 days, and he is clearly not a child that wants to rest. And he has two brothers that do not want him to rest.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

update on kc -- july 08

I have a shocking diagnosis from the pediatrician that I know is wrong. I can't even say what it is because, I swear it is just for insurance purposes. I swear it.
We will go to see a developmental pediatrician next month.
In the meantime, our silent baby appears to have turned a corner. He has picked up new words and phrases and has started to sing songs, kind of.
Upon the advice of a wise friend, I have changed his diet. Eliminating dairy, processed foods and white flour.
He has also started with an new oral-motor therapist who really gets in his face and makes him do all sorts of weird slobbery exercises.
He seems more connected and present. There really is a boy in there.

Monday, July 14, 2008


This house is slowly, OK, not so slowly, descending into chaos.
And hey, I'm the first one to say I thrive on the stuff, after building a career that gets it's jollies on the uncontrollable fast-paced uncertainty of breaking news.
The screaming baby just ran by chasing the dog. He was hollering about the injustice of it all and I could have sworn he mentioned the cat.
I had given the dog a small can of uneaten cat food that, Baka, the senior feline of the home had turned his nose up to.
Leo had taken off running with it in his mouth as the small prize of a life well lived in the house of pain. Forward to me trying to wipe up the small bits of fishy foulness that had become mashed in the fibers of our carpet.
The baby, who can hardly be the judge of all right and wrong in the world, has proven that diapers, clothing, sheets, mattress pads, stuffed animals...are ALL disposable. I shake with fear when I approach his room because due to his potty training efforts he has, let's just say, insisted on spreading the 'love' around. "When will the shit stop!?" I yell in a weary way that only moms can understand. As I pull more Lysol, vinegar and the steam vacuum from the corner of the room.
He also succeeded in pulling a branch I had hung from the was assembled ten years ago filled with multi-colored origami cranes with sweet wishes written by the guests at our wedding. "Many children and a long life," reads one. "Patience and kindness," implores another. This branch has hung in our home for TEN years. It has hung over the bed of two other children. But this two year old pooping tower of power has somehow managed to pull it from its perch -- 9 feet off the ground.
One child broke the other's light saber...the special one that lights up and changes color depending if you are a Sith Lord or a Jedi Master. The saber of power that makes the "whooshing" and clashing noise.
The grass in the backyard is so high, I'm never sure where the dog or smallest child is when they go out.
The baby thought the cd player in the van looked like a vending machine, and so everytime you start the car the player grinds through 89 cents of coins.
The middle child broke our garage door.
And the laundry, oh heck, did I mention I haven't showered in two days?
And yet....I will go upstairs and shower and read a book, because it is what I need to do. for now.

Friday, July 04, 2008

Shiny happy people

The universe is forcing me to look on the bright side of life. The message even comes through the eggs. Of course by the time I found the camera, my yolky friend had changed his expression into a smirk.

Friday, June 20, 2008

potty time

The baby has decided to potty train himself. I suppose he thought someone should get around to it.
more on this....later

What sells...

Say what you will about Hillary.
But this kind of stuff saddens me as a woman and sickens me as a mother.
My first reaction is...I suppose it is better that I don't have daughters.
But the reality is...My job is much bigger. I have the responsibilty to raise three men to be intelligent, respectful and advanced.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Math formulas

I have a mathmatical formula for the amount of time it takes to get out of the door.

Figure five minutes per person.
So from the time I say, "Let's go. Get in the car," it takes us about 25 minutes. By the time everyone finds his shoes, goes potty, gets a drink, sends an email, writes a novel....five minutes per person.

I think you will find my formula pretty solid.

Now throw in a trip to the YMCA outdoor pool, a workout and a packed lunch....the formula expands. It took us 55 minutes, and that was only with four of us. And I still forgot the lunch in a cooler in the garage.

I wish I could do it better. I wish the kids would listen to me the first 25 times I told them something. I wish I were the Zen mama I long to be.

Because you see i have another formula, it takes saying something THREE times, before it is understood. Sometimes I skip right to the end and put on my mean mommy voice and yell something three times....."PUT ON YOUR SHOES, PUT ON YOUR SHOES, PUT ON YOUR SHOES." I make sure I am dripping with evil venom and stink eye when I say it too.

Times my 3X formula times three kids and you have an idea where I am in the end.

I just finished reading "A New Earth" and listening to the podcasts by the author. It has really opened my mind to understanding. I get it, but the author Eckhart Tolle doesn't have children.

Jesus said, "Let the children come to me and do not hinder them." Again, Jesus wasn't around them all day, and he sure didn't try to get them all into the van in less than 30 minutes.

Monday, May 12, 2008

if i could bottle this stuff

...if i could bottle the crazy funny personalities in my life, I'd have a great SNL skit.
There is a woman that I talk to very little, in fact I try to avoid her at every turn. However I find myself cornered frequently. Even more unfortunate, K and Q are the same ages as two of her kids.
So I am amazed at what she can fit into any casual conversation to let you know how...."smart, talented, athletic" any one of her three geniuses are. Some people send those Christmas letters that detail every moment of their amazing year, well she sends that letter twice a year, Christmas and June because one letter a year couldn't cover it all. I wish I were kidding about this.
Today, we stood in the kindergarten hallway as our two boys sat coloring waiting for their screening tests to begin.
I asked her what she was going to do now that her youngest was off to kindergarten in the fall. "I'm thinking of more marathon training, since I'll have from 730 to 230 free. Or maybe I'll try a triathalon."
My eyes glazed as I slipped into a daydream about what I would do with all that new found time....after all children got on the bus, I would go back to bed, sleep until noon, watch some TV, order a pizza,...oh my options just are endless. Notice how training for a marathon, didn't even rank?
Now you should know that I am reading A New Earth, so I am on my way to enlightening living and was fully conscious that my ego may be challenged by this rascal of an earthling.

"Make sure you write first and last name," she coached her five-year-old, "upper AND lowercase."
She asked me about Q starting school and if I felt he was ready. I said he would do kindergarten again since he has his birthday a week before the cut off. (this is his first year in the public school) and I am doing this in hopes he will have an easier time with his school and social life over the next 13 years.
She then told me how her two older girls have summer birthdays, she sent them and they do fabulous. They are both in the TAG (Talented and Gifted) program, advanced math...there it was. I was wondering if she would be able to slip it in.
She hadn't heard a thing I said. What is that? my ego talking? why do I feel I must smack her.
Enlightenment is not easy to accomplish when you have kids...just look at Jesus and Buddha. Both dudes, very cool, peaceful, very enlighted....but no kids.

Friday, May 09, 2008

the baby

He can hear.
I love how I already was figuring out how to smash -- get fitted for hearing aids -- into our schedules.
I am really quite amazed how the panda playing the drums and elephants playing trumpet are ways to measure, but I think they have it down.
on to the next crisis.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

hands in the air

I took the baby to the doctor today.
Just to follow up on his development.
The doctor asks if his hearing had been checked, which seemed odd seeing as how maybe she should know.
Then I find out TODAY that at his 2 year-old check up, he failed his hearing test, which was seven months ago.
He failed his hearing screening test again today.
Tomorrow we go to the audiologist for a full hearing test.
Believe it or not, when the nurse told me today that he failed the test, I was relieved. Maybe this will be the answer to why....
I'm no longer relieved.
Now I'm just sad, mad and worried.
More tomorrow....

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

i'll admit it

There is a crazy little dude at this fishing place we take the boys. He's an interesting fellow, I love people like him: true characters.

He cleaned my fish (cleaned, with the heads on) and went ON and ON about second-generation Americans and their crazy idea of what food should be. Anyone second generation and later all want the fish heads chopped off, he says, then really all they want to eat are chickens and pigs. Two of the most disgusting, dirty animals around. Then they put cheese on everything.....

I really enjoy this guy. I can get him going on cooking tips, his mean 89 year-old mother and the US army corps of engineers. He's a redneck really (probably15th-generation American), but I haven't heard him say anything racist or rightie-tightie, yet.

So on this particular day, he was rattling on about the secret weapon the US military is using in Iraq....come here a little closer, so I can whisper it to is the WMD we haven't heard of...we wouldn't want this information to get into the wrong is...cinnamon.

He says the Iraqis can't stand the smell of it and that is how the military can clear a crowd. The just infuse the air with the sweet smells of cinnabon. And woah....the Iraqis are gone, man.

ahem. like i said, interesting.

So this little guy doesn't know who he is dealing with because, I'll admit it....I'm addicted to food. and really one mention of cinnamon, even if used as a weapon has put it on my brain for days. I made cinnamon and sugar toast last night but really that didn't do the trick. The warm gooeyness is what I craved.

Today....everyone I talked to (the poor unfortunate souls) had to listen to me yammer away about cinnamon and the delicious ways I wanted to eat it. I have children and obligations that kept me from getting my fix, but I cleared the schedule and voila.....

Monkey Bread
2 Cans refrigerated biscuits (I used17.3 oz Grands reduced fat Golden Wheat)
1/3 C sugar
5 teaspoons cinnamon (frankly, I didn't measure. i was feeding my obsession for crying out loud)
1/2 C ground flax seeds
1/2 C chopped pecans
1/2 C butter, melted
1/2 C brown sugar
1/2 C apple sauce (use one of those individual kids servings cups)

1. preheat oven to 350 degrees. spray bundt pan with cooking spray.
2. Mix sugar, cinnamon and flax in 1 gal plastic ziploc bag.
3. cut the biscuits into pieces and shake in bag to cover.
4. sprinkle pecans on the bottom of the pan and place the dough inthe pan. add more pecans as you go along if you like. sprinkle the rest of the sugar mix on top.
5. mix melted butter with brown sugar and apple sauce. and pour evenly on top.
6. Bake for 45 minutes. invert on plate to cool.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

a quiet bit of joy

My baby is two and a half years
He still doesn't really talk. He has a language that is all his own, and I only understand him sometimes.
He has made progress, don't get me wrong, but it is slow and arduous. He has picked up the sing-song sound of language and what the speech therapist calls "approximation."
telephone is ---- ((deh-deh-deh OHN))
His brothers are still lovingly called "Dah" and "Doo Doo"
People try to help....
"Have you let him play with Play-doh?"
"You need to get him a trampoline."
"You need to read him Dr. Suess books."
"He'll talk when he's ready."
As if any of those things would do....
It makes my heart hurt in a quiet heavy kind of way.

What a Cow!

K and Q feed a two-day old calf.

Our life returns to a state that I can only call normal, for lack of a better word.

We've had a week of spring break.

Since we stayed home this break, we did some work around the house and took some day trips around the area.

We took the kids to a dairy farm. Now I must say growing up in rural Ohio, I have very serious blockage paying to see cows. But alas, we are city folk nowadays, so $35 later here we go

But they make it as showbiz and educational as a dairy farm can be......
I continue to train for the 5K Race for the Cure which happens in May. Today I ran 3 a row, not stopping...I just may make it. I've instructed the fit people on our team to wait for me at the finish line with a defibrillator and a fresh Depends.

Friday, April 11, 2008


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totally awesome

When you speak with a zany, wacky 5-year-old, you have to have a sense of humor or a very high level of patience.
Suffice it to day, Q's kindergarten teacher wrote in his progrees report a word that sums it all up......"goofY"
OK...that is your as a family, when we would talk about how great something was we would say something like...."hey, that is cool.....awesome!!"
Then he would shout....."Awful!"
Once again....we say "up" he says "down." We say "black;" he says "white." It is just part of his silly banter.

Then one day he said to me,
Mama, why do you say it is just "AWE-SOME" when really it is "AWE-FULL?!"

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


"Mama, have you ever eaten a hot dog on the toilet?"

My five year-old threw me this question one morning on the way to kindergarten.

I thought for a moment....

and then asked...."do you mean, eaten a hot dog while sittting on the toilet? or eating a hot dog straight off of the seat of the toilet?"

because it is best to get the facts.

Sunday, April 06, 2008

spring break

I have strep throat.
"We" are on spring break.
Must find something for everyone to do.....must find something....

The Jedi Master training, while the Wookie looks on.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008


I'm in a weird crunchy mood.
I've been working on our household budget and am amazed at how we keep our heads above water. Money stuff just bums me out. I'm wondering if each kid could just take turns eating for the month.
The "W" is going to be sending me a check in a couple months. They just spent $42 million to tell me the "check is in the mail" several months. Talk about budget problems.
whatever, Next time, just send me an email. better yet, just send the check ....even better....instead of sending us all out out for retail therapy, why don't we use the money for stuff to run the country. never mind, just give me the damn check....i can't trust you people.

The first time the "W" sent me a check for $600, I bought a dishwasher. This time, it will just get us through.
and then today this little bit of joy...brightened my gloom.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

my new favorite thing....Chocolate Plum sweets, which is a piece of prune covered with chocolate. sounds crazy and gross, but quite tasty. note- do not let your dog get ahold of these.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

i really don't know how this stuff happens

So my little nephew came to visit me at Easter.
I my mind he's little, around 5 years old with a clean face and a monogrammed sweater.
As you can see from the picture, he's not so little anymore.
He tells me he's 27 years old. Which is totally weird, because that's what I am.
I wait for my boys to get bigger, for a time when they will toilet and clean themselves. I think I will then have the time to spend on the things I love. And then I realize, they are the things I love.
I have a lump in my chest everyday with my little 2 year-old, I can't reign him in. He is a wild man. I fear going anywhere with him, because of the destruction he leaves in his path.
Today I had a glimmer of what life may be for him. He seemed to understand me. We went to some physical therapy, lunch at Chick-fil-A and then Costco. A sweet little boy that held my hand in the parking lot, only dropping his body limp twice to see if I would catch him so he could dangle by one arm. I caught him every time.

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Wednesday, March 26, 2008

you will enjoy this or else

because i was having an "aren't I a great mama" day, i took the idea from IHOP and made a Dr. Suess dinner: green eggs, ham and who cakes. as you can see, the joy on the children's faces just makes me wheeze with glee. i'm reminded of the three monkeys see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil.

Monday, March 10, 2008

couch to 5k

So I'm trying to run. Actually, I think the right word is "jog" since it is a pace just above a walk.
A small group of us decided to do the "Race for the Cure" in May, and my friend emailed me the plan that was going to get us there...."From Couch to 5K."
Ironically that night a friend of mine from Japan called and by coincidence started telling me about a crazy thing she did called the "couch to 5K" running plan.
It is in the cards. When we worked together about 15 years ago, she was not someone who enjoyed being warm, let alone would put herself through the treachery of exercise. She encouraged me saying if she could do it so could I.
So I am about half way through it, though I am not looking forward to my new week.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

alpha diva psycho nazi mom

Believe it or not I had to edit myself in my own blog for being too hard on the alpha-moms that surround me.

God Bless em; they are a kind and thoughtful crew. But I am reminded why it is best they stay on their side of the carpool lane.

I helped out at a teachers' appreciation luncheon, where I was told what to wear, when to refill drinks and reminded why I haven't chosen a career in the food service industry.

I thought dishwasher suited me best so I tried to say in the background as much as possible. But when I had to walk into the hall to fetch something. The Alpha-mom walked past me and stage-whispered, "You have a towel on your shoulder!"

Oh the horror.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

I am the baby apraxia whisperer. Kenji is saying more and more things. The problem, no one knows what the hell he's saying. Except me. And granted I only get him about 5% of the time.
deh-deh-deh OHN -- "telephone"
neh-neh neh neh -wiggles -- "playplace of anysort, dancing, colors....or the wiggles"

One of the weekly places I shuttle the little guy around to, in hopes it will trigger him to speak is the YMCA. We've been going in the pool.

His first time in the pool was a huge success. He "talked" more in his first 1/2 hour in the pool than he does all day.
He will do anything that involves water. In fact in the picture above he had just finished a bath, was freshly dried, diapered and clothed, when he decided to get back in.
(I must mention that because of the drought. We save water as much as we can from the tub and shower to do things like flush toilets, water plants or dump into the washing machine.)
I no longer save tub water.

Saturday, February 23, 2008


So I've started going to an acupuncturist...
I'm drinking strange teas made of roots, bark and seeds.
I'm swallowing little pellets made of ingredients that I had to Google. Wouldn't "Semen Persicae" scare you too?
I've got a bum back and basically my chi is off.
They've put suction cups on my back leaving big circle hickeys and burnt things small bits of things on me.
Have I mentioned that I am turning 40?
I am requiring more and more maintenance...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

ode to a lunch

"we are early," mom declares.
there must be a reason.

always very early
or very late.

never on time.

"where's my lunch?" a kid shouts.
it is not in the bag.

always peanut butter
or salami.

never changing.

"hang on boys," mama whoops.
we are off to QT.

all-beef jerky, a dill pickle
or krispy kreme.

mother of the year...
maybe next year.

Friday, January 04, 2008

being great in 2008

This is the year that I turn 40.

I think in the new year I should resolve to clear and organize three closets that I can barely shut. Perhaps posting a picture on my blog would inspire me to do it.

Or perhaps posting a picture of my lumpy butt on the internet would help me lose 30 or 40 pounds. perhaps.

The baby has started calling his middle brother -- "Doo Doo"
Q has been saying "DooDoo...."350 times a day for weeks now. Recently he switched to "poop" and "pee pee" which is much more hilarious but not as cute as "Doo Doo." Luckily there are bonuses in being a late talker.
The baby is in speech therapy once a week and at least two days of physical therapy. I've also started the baby on fish oil, Omega-3 and DHA supplements. I just give it to all three of them. I tell them it is supposed to make them smarter. The most immediate result has been the improvement in Q's eczema.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Bumpin in the Burbs...

The guy that made this hilarious video lives in the same hood as me. yo.