if i could bottle this stuff

...if i could bottle the crazy funny personalities in my life, I'd have a great SNL skit.
There is a woman that I talk to very little, in fact I try to avoid her at every turn. However I find myself cornered frequently. Even more unfortunate, K and Q are the same ages as two of her kids.
So I am amazed at what she can fit into any casual conversation to let you know how...."smart, talented, athletic" any one of her three geniuses are. Some people send those Christmas letters that detail every moment of their amazing year, well she sends that letter twice a year, Christmas and June because one letter a year couldn't cover it all. I wish I were kidding about this.
Today, we stood in the kindergarten hallway as our two boys sat coloring waiting for their screening tests to begin.
I asked her what she was going to do now that her youngest was off to kindergarten in the fall. "I'm thinking of more marathon training, since I'll have from 730 to 230 free. Or maybe I'll try a triathalon."
My eyes glazed as I slipped into a daydream about what I would do with all that new found time....after all children got on the bus, I would go back to bed, sleep until noon, watch some TV, order a pizza,...oh my options just are endless. Notice how training for a marathon, didn't even rank?
Now you should know that I am reading A New Earth, so I am on my way to enlightening living and was fully conscious that my ego may be challenged by this rascal of an earthling.

"Make sure you write first and last name," she coached her five-year-old, "upper AND lowercase."
She asked me about Q starting school and if I felt he was ready. I said he would do kindergarten again since he has his birthday a week before the cut off. (this is his first year in the public school) and I am doing this in hopes he will have an easier time with his school and social life over the next 13 years.
She then told me how her two older girls have summer birthdays, she sent them and they do fabulous. They are both in the TAG (Talented and Gifted) program, advanced math...there it was. I was wondering if she would be able to slip it in.
She hadn't heard a thing I said. What is that? my ego talking? why do I feel I must smack her.
Enlightenment is not easy to accomplish when you have kids...just look at Jesus and Buddha. Both dudes, very cool, peaceful, very enlighted....but no kids.

the baby

He can hear.
I love how I already was figuring out how to smash -- get fitted for hearing aids -- into our schedules.
I am really quite amazed how the panda playing the drums and elephants playing trumpet are ways to measure, but I think they have it down.
on to the next crisis.

hands in the air

I took the baby to the doctor today.
Just to follow up on his development.
The doctor asks if his hearing had been checked, which seemed odd seeing as how maybe she should know.
Then I find out TODAY that at his 2 year-old check up, he failed his hearing test, which was seven months ago.
He failed his hearing screening test again today.
Tomorrow we go to the audiologist for a full hearing test.
Believe it or not, when the nurse told me today that he failed the test, I was relieved. Maybe this will be the answer to why....
I'm no longer relieved.
Now I'm just sad, mad and worried.
More tomorrow....

a fishy tale

i'll admit it

There is a crazy little dude at this fishing place we take the boys. He's an interesting fellow, I love people like him: true characters.

He cleaned my fish (cleaned, with the heads on) and went ON and ON about second-generation Americans and their crazy idea of what food should be. Anyone second generation and later all want the fish heads chopped off, he says, then really all they want to eat are chickens and pigs. Two of the most disgusting, dirty animals around. Then they put cheese on everything.....

I really enjoy this guy. I can get him going on cooking tips, his mean 89 year-old mother and the US army corps of engineers. He's a redneck really (probably15th-generation American), but I haven't heard him say anything racist or rightie-tightie, yet.

So on this particular day, he was rattling on about the secret weapon the US military is using in Iraq....come here a little closer, so I can whisper it to you....it is the WMD we haven't heard of...we wouldn't want this information to get into the wrong hands.....it is...cinnamon.

He says the Iraqis can't stand the smell of it and that is how the military can clear a crowd. The just infuse the air with the sweet smells of cinnabon. And woah....the Iraqis are gone, man.

ahem. like i said, interesting.

So this little guy doesn't know who he is dealing with because, I'll admit it....I'm addicted to food. and really one mention of cinnamon, even if used as a weapon has put it on my brain for days. I made cinnamon and sugar toast last night but really that didn't do the trick. The warm gooeyness is what I craved.

Today....everyone I talked to (the poor unfortunate souls) had to listen to me yammer away about cinnamon and the delicious ways I wanted to eat it. I have children and obligations that kept me from getting my fix, but I cleared the schedule and voila.....
















My
Monkey Bread
2 Cans refrigerated biscuits (I used17.3 oz Grands reduced fat Golden Wheat)
1/3 C sugar
5 teaspoons cinnamon (frankly, I didn't measure. i was feeding my obsession for crying out loud)
1/2 C ground flax seeds
1/2 C chopped pecans
1/2 C butter, melted
1/2 C brown sugar
1/2 C apple sauce (use one of those individual kids servings cups)

1. preheat oven to 350 degrees. spray bundt pan with cooking spray.
2. Mix sugar, cinnamon and flax in 1 gal plastic ziploc bag.
3. cut the biscuits into pieces and shake in bag to cover.
4. sprinkle pecans on the bottom of the pan and place the dough inthe pan. add more pecans as you go along if you like. sprinkle the rest of the sugar mix on top.
5. mix melted butter with brown sugar and apple sauce. and pour evenly on top.
6. Bake for 45 minutes. invert on plate to cool.

a quiet bit of joy

My baby is two and a half years old....today.
He still doesn't really talk. He has a language that is all his own, and I only understand him sometimes.
He has made progress, don't get me wrong, but it is slow and arduous. He has picked up the sing-song sound of language and what the speech therapist calls "approximation."
telephone is ---- ((deh-deh-deh OHN))
His brothers are still lovingly called "Dah" and "Doo Doo"
People try to help....
"Have you let him play with Play-doh?"
"You need to get him a trampoline."
"You need to read him Dr. Suess books."
"He'll talk when he's ready."
As if any of those things would do....
It makes my heart hurt in a quiet heavy kind of way.

What a Cow!

K and Q feed a two-day old calf.

Our life returns to a state that I can only call normal, for lack of a better word.

We've had a week of spring break.

Since we stayed home this break, we did some work around the house and took some day trips around the area.

We took the kids to a dairy farm. Now I must say growing up in rural Ohio, I have very serious blockage paying to see cows. But alas, we are city folk nowadays, so $35 later here we go

But they make it as showbiz and educational as a dairy farm can be......

I continue to train for the 5K Race for the Cure which happens in May. Today I ran 3 miles...in a row, not stopping...I just may make it. I've instructed the fit people on our team to wait for me at the finish line with a defibrillator and a fresh Depends.

AWE-FULL!!!!

totally awesome

When you speak with a zany, wacky 5-year-old, you have to have a sense of humor or a very high level of patience.
Suffice it to day, Q's kindergarten teacher wrote in his progrees report a word that sums it all up......"goofY"
OK...that is your background....so as a family, when we would talk about how great something was we would say something like...."hey, that is cool.....awesome!!"
Then he would shout....."Awful!"
Once again....we say "up" he says "down." We say "black;" he says "white." It is just part of his silly banter.

Then one day he said to me,
Mama, why do you say it is just "AWE-SOME" when really it is "AWE-FULL?!"

QUESTIONS FROM THE BACK SEAT.....

"Mama, have you ever eaten a hot dog on the toilet?"

My five year-old threw me this question one morning on the way to kindergarten.

I thought for a moment....

and then asked...."do you mean, eaten a hot dog while sittting on the toilet? or eating a hot dog straight off of the seat of the toilet?"

because it is best to get the facts.

spring break

I have strep throat.
"We" are on spring break.
Must find something for everyone to do.....must find something....

The Jedi Master training, while the Wookie looks on.

moody

I'm in a weird crunchy mood.
I've been working on our household budget and am amazed at how we keep our heads above water. Money stuff just bums me out. I'm wondering if each kid could just take turns eating for the month.
The "W" is going to be sending me a check in a couple months. They just spent $42 million to tell me the "check is in the mail".....in several months. Talk about budget problems.
whatever, Next time, just send me an email. better yet, just send the check ....even better....instead of sending us all out out for retail therapy, why don't we use the money for stuff to run the country. never mind, just give me the damn check....i can't trust you people.
The first time the "W" sent me a check for $600, I bought a dishwasher. This time, it will just get us through.
and then today this little bit of joy...brightened my gloom.

my new favorite thing....Chocolate Plum sweets, which is a piece of prune covered with chocolate. sounds crazy and gross, but quite tasty. note- do not let your dog get ahold of these.

i really don't know how this stuff happens

So my little nephew came to visit me at Easter.
I my mind he's little, around 5 years old with a clean face and a monogrammed sweater.
As you can see from the picture, he's not so little anymore.
He tells me he's 27 years old. Which is totally weird, because that's what I am.
I wait for my boys to get bigger, for a time when they will toilet and clean themselves. I think I will then have the time to spend on the things I love. And then I realize, they are the things I love.
I have a lump in my chest everyday with my little 2 year-old, I can't reign him in. He is a wild man. I fear going anywhere with him, because of the destruction he leaves in his path.
Today I had a glimmer of what life may be for him. He seemed to understand me. We went to some physical therapy, lunch at Chick-fil-A and then Costco. A sweet little boy that held my hand in the parking lot, only dropping his body limp twice to see if I would catch him so he could dangle by one arm. I caught him every time.

you will enjoy this or else

because i was having an "aren't I a great mama" day, i took the idea from IHOP and made a Dr. Suess dinner: green eggs, ham and who cakes. as you can see, the joy on the children's faces just makes me wheeze with glee. i'm reminded of the three monkeys see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil.

what happens when dad is in charge....

couch to 5k

So I'm trying to run. Actually, I think the right word is "jog" since it is a pace just above a walk.
A small group of us decided to do the "Race for the Cure" in May, and my friend emailed me the plan that was going to get us there...."From Couch to 5K."
Ironically that night a friend of mine from Japan called and by coincidence started telling me about a crazy thing she did called the "couch to 5K" running plan.
It is in the cards. When we worked together about 15 years ago, she was not someone who enjoyed being warm, let alone would put herself through the treachery of exercise. She encouraged me saying if she could do it so could I.
So I am about half way through it, though I am not looking forward to my new week.

alpha diva psycho nazi mom

Believe it or not I had to edit myself in my own blog for being too hard on the alpha-moms that surround me.

God Bless em; they are a kind and thoughtful crew. But I am reminded why it is best they stay on their side of the carpool lane.

I helped out at a teachers' appreciation luncheon, where I was told what to wear, when to refill drinks and reminded why I haven't chosen a career in the food service industry.

I thought dishwasher suited me best so I tried to say in the background as much as possible. But when I had to walk into the hall to fetch something. The Alpha-mom walked past me and stage-whispered, "You have a towel on your shoulder!"

Oh the horror.

I am the baby apraxia whisperer. Kenji is saying more and more things. The problem, no one knows what the hell he's saying. Except me. And granted I only get him about 5% of the time.

deh-deh-deh OHN -- "telephone"

neh-neh neh neh -wiggles -- "playplace of anysort, dancing, colors....or the wiggles"

One of the weekly places I shuttle the little guy around to, in hopes it will trigger him to speak is the YMCA. We've been going in the pool.

His first time in the pool was a huge success. He "talked" more in his first 1/2 hour in the pool than he does all day.

He will do anything that involves water. In fact in the picture above he had just finished a bath, was freshly dried, diapered and clothed, when he decided to get back in.

(I must mention that because of the drought. We save water as much as we can from the tub and shower to do things like flush toilets, water plants or dump into the washing machine.)

I no longer save tub water.